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Dragon fucking
Why Dragons Are Extinct

1. What can a bird do that a man can't? Whistle through its pecker.
2. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.
3. Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
4. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions.
5. Why did God put men on earth? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
6. Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to keep them in.
7. What do electric trains and breasts have in common? They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
8. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor-lock.
9. Why do men masturbate? It's sex with someone they love.
10. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
11. Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
12. Why is urine yellow and sperm white? So a man can tell if he is coming or going.
13. How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows - it hasn't happened yet.
14. Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus? It turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs goin' at it on a lawn. One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Jeez, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that." The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her three martinis." The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning. The single one asks the other, "Well, did you get to do it to your wife doggie style?" The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis." The single guy exclaims, "SIX martinis! How come so many?" The husband replies, "Hell, it took three just to get her out on the lawn."

Prior to take off, passengers on a major airline were surprised to hear a woman's voice on the pilot's intercom.

She said, "Although I am a woman, I also am a fully qualified pilot and will be your Captain on this flight. I've had extensive training on all types of aircraft and can fly them as well, or better, than any man."

"If you wish to see a demonstration of my flying skills, once we have reached our scheduled flying altitude and the seat-belt sign has been turned off, feel free to unbuckle your seat-belt, stroll down the aisle and join me in the cuntpit."

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be green like before a tornado, orange like in L. A, or gray ..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry," says Teach, "but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!" "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

Schwartznegger has a big one,
Michael Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The pope has one but doesn't use it
Dana International had one and removed it,
Clinton uses his all the time...
WHAT IS IT?

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle, I am still a virgin." The startled groom asks, "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."

The bride responds, "Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was . . . . God I miss him! But you're a lawyer, so now I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share her good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. "Sir," she said, "I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone, or I'll bust."

She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant. The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer, and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy, he added, "But confidentially, I changed cocks." The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially . . . me, too."

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy." "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Piddles up to heaven."

Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work, Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

"Well," mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy!"

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes right out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he says.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her what's wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore. The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more." The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic crone says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth Catholic woman sipped her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
So she replies, "My son is 6' 7"... he has plenty of money...broad square houlders...terribly handsome... dresses very well...tight muscular body... tight hard buns... and a very nice bulge... and whenever he walks into a room... women gasp, 'Oh, my God...'."

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were doing is and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says, "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!"
The husband says "OK, I'll explain, but first you have to explain the kids."

A newly wed couple from North Dakota ended up spending their whole honeymoon staring at each other. Unfortunately they were both a little slow and also both were virgins when they got married. After the honeymoon they decided to go and seek help from a sex counselor. After waiting for what seemed like hours they finally got in to see the doctor. When he asked what was on their minds the man spoke up and said "Well sir, we've been married for almost two weeks now and haven't had sex. Neither of us have done it before and we're not sure where to start." At that, the doctor began describing the easiest way to go about having sex. The young bride was catching on but the husband just didn't get it. After trying for an hour, the doctor finally got frustrated. He tore off the brides clothes and began fucking the hell out of her on the table right in front of her husband. When he was done, the doctor looked at the husband and yelled "NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" The husband said "Yeah, all except for one thing." "WHAT??" said the doctor. "Well," asked the husband, "How many times a week do I have to bring her in?"

10. Viagra: the quicker dicker upper!
9. Here's the beef!
8. Get a piece of the rock.
7. You've come a long way, baby.
6. Viagra, it plumps when you take it.
5. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
4. Tastes great, more filling!
3. Viagra - built ram tough.
2. Just do her!

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen. I have three babes coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once! I need something to keep me horny and hard as a rock all night!!"

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a bottle of Viagra and says, "Here, if you take these, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!!" The guy says, "Gimme 3 boxes!!!"

The next day, the same guy walks into the pharmacy and right up to the same pharmacist then pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the guy's dick is black and blue and the skin is hanging off in some places. The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay." The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?!?!?! You're not going to put the Ben Gay on that, are you?" The guy says, "No, it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!"

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up, only to find a female genie appears from the bottle. "Master, I may grant you one wish."
Rodman: "Hey, Bitch ... I'm the best ... I don't need no woman give me nuttin'!"
Genie: "But Master, I must grant you a wish or I will be locked in this bottle forever."
Rodman: "Ok, ok... just let me wake up with three women in my bed in the morning."
So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle. Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His dick is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

A man is complaining to his friends. "My elbow really hurts!, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend, however, tells him not to do that! There's a computer at the drugstore that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00. The man figured that he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drugstore. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the ten dollars. The computer started making some noises and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks."

Late that evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he jacked off into the concoction. He went back to the drugstore, located the machine, poured the sample in and deposited the ten bucks. The machine again made the usual noises and printed the following analysis: "Your tapwater is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins. Your daughter is on drugs. Put her in rehab. Your wife's pregnant. It ain't yours, get a lawyer and if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!"

16. We're working on that smell thing, too!
15. Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.
14. As seen on "COPS"
13. If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the Sheets!
12. Not just for nooners anymore.
11. We left off the 9, but you know it's there.
10. You rented the room, now buy the video.
9. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.
8. We'll leave the Lysol for ya!
7. Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your secretary there on *your* salary, pal!
6. We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better!*
5. It's Hookerriffic!
4. Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins!
3. Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art since 1962!
2. Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother!

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614-799-8869
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